Child's play
by Teakany
Summary: Alfred shows up late for a FACE family lunch at Matthews. when he gets there, it might be a good thing he did! Francis, Matthew and Arthur have all been turned into kids! He calls his friend Prussia for back up and the two take a trip into parenting three needy nations. rated T for swearing. mostly laughs and fluff


**It burrowed into my head yesterday morning and refused to leave. so I casually sat and wrote almost 4,000 words today. why not? I guess you could see USUK or FRUK in it if you wanted to, I'm not really a USUK shipper, so I only really had PruCan for sure in there. but you can imagine it anyway you like lol!**

"Artie let go of Francis's hair! right now!"

"Franny no! hitting isn't awesome!"

"where's Mattie!? oh jeez! I'm sorry bro, don't cry!"

Alfred swooped down and Picked up the tiny crying Matthew in his arms, he had started to run to look for him and succeeded in kicking him in the head. now he held the screaming child making shushing noises, he wasn't sure if they were for him or his somehow tiny twin.

"Gilbert! what the heck am I suppose to do! I've never been around kids dude!" His eyes turned to the Albino who was currently trying to hold the two toddlers apart while they yelled and kicked towards each other.

"I have my hands full!" he snapped. he turned on the two boys, eyes narrowing "now if you don't stop this righ- ouch! okay that's it!" a tiny foot had flew out of control kicking him in the eye.

Gil hoisted Francis over his shoulder and scooped Arthur around his middle.

"Let me go wanker! I am the gweat enwand! "

"the only thing gweat bout you is the size of your eyebwows row-bif!"

"shut up you stinky fwog face!"

"that is enough!" growled Gilbert as he plunked Francis on a step then moved over to a chair planting Arthur on it "you're both gonna sit there on time out! no moving, no talking! five minutes or else so help me, I'll restart it!"

The two tiny countries crossed their arms and glared at the floor, but they did it in silence. Gilbert rounded on Alfred grabbing the tiny sniveling Matthew out of his arms. "what the fuck even happened?!"

"you're not appose to swear in front of us!" called Francis pouting

"ya! its bad! someone will get the soap!" added Arthur

oh now they agree. Gilbert ground his teeth "I thought I said no talking!" he snapped. then looked at Alfred while he bounced Matthew on his hip while running a hand over his hair, trying to calm the child.

"I don't know dude! I was suppose to come for lunch but I totally got caught up in this really cool game Kiku gave me, I mean it had robots and ghosts and guns, totally awesome! but then I thought 'oh shit!'-"

"bad word!" cried Arthur covering his ears

Alfred stared at him in complete confusion for a second before continuing "anyway I hauled as-err… butt? over here and I walk in to find those two" he pointed at the two boys, who looked about five , " fighting and this one " moving his finger to four year old Mattie "drinking a bottle of maple syrup! I'm assuming it was one of those wackos with the magic… maybe Arthur did it, or maybe he just pissed off Norway! god knows!"

Matthew had mostly calmed down now, but his head was buried in Gils shirt and he kept whimpering. both men looked at the tiny boy. "you okay now birdie?" Asked Gil

"my tummy hurts" was all the warning they got before Gil and Matthew were both coated in Maple syrup puke. Gil closed his eyes and breathed.

it had been a century since he took care of a tiny nation. but there weren't many options for Alfred to call he guessed. though being puked on by your boyfriend in baby form… not awesome at all. no matter how fuckin cute he was like this…

"dude… that's… "

gil's eyes flashed open when he heard the gagging noises "don't you dare Jones! you go deal with those two and I will clean this one up! make sure they don't kick off another damn 100 year war!"

Gilbert quickly walked out of the room. Matthew was sniffling again, little puke coated lip quivering "I'm sowwy gilly" he sobbed. Gilbert sighed and rubbed the tiny boys back "don't worry about it birdie, lets go get you cleaned up for now."

thankfully they were at Matthew's house, Gilbert knew his way around. he strode into the master bedroom and continued to the bath, he turned on the faucet and let it fill as he set Matthew on his feet ridding him of the sweatshirt and jeans he had on. "at least the magic shrunk theses, or we'd have three naked boys running.. oh crap." He doubted Matthew had any more tiny clothing…

he sighed at the thought and turned off the water, checking the temperature before he plunked the child inside. how in the hell was he suppose to look at Mattie in that way again after this.. he sighed and worked on getting the maple syrup on of the blonde curls.

* * *

downstairs Alfred was stopping yet another fight. except this time they were fighting with him!

"I don't wanna eat your yucky burgers!" Francis whined crocodile tears forming

"ah comon dude, they're good! I eat them all the time!" He picked one up and took a bite.

"I don't wanna be fat like you!" wailed Arthur real tears on his cheeks.

Alfred's bottom lip quivered. he wasn't fat! was he…. he looked down, maybe a bit soft… but he'd been busy! he was not fat!

he made a mental note to go to the gym starting whenever the hell these three grew up!

"look Arthur, I don't wanna hear it! and tears are not gonna work Francis " he said firmly looking between both boys then muttered to himself " I grew up eating your damned scones…"

he crossed his arms and glared at both boys until they started eating. all the over dramatic reactions you could imagine coming out. wrinkled noses, fake choking, exaggerated puke noises (which were not appreciated currently with the still lingering smell), groans… Francis was even faking turning blue. wait what?!

Alfred launched himself from the chair and realized he had no freakin clue what to do with a choking kid! "whatdoidowhatdoido?!" he yanked out his phone and googled child heimlich. good thing Francis was a nation and couldn't die.

he found it and followed the steps. cringing as Francis hocked up the slimy half chewed piece of burger. Alfred rubbed the panting boys back.

Arthur stared in horror the dashed form the table screaming "he's twying to kill us wiv food!" oh how the tables had turned.

* * *

Gilbert heard the screaming and walked into the hallway with Matthew bundled in a towel. Arthur almost tripped him as he ran behind Gilbert's legs

"he twied to kill the fwog!" Gilbert looked down at him completely lost until a rather irritated looking Alfred came into view, an exhausted looking Francis in his arms eyeing him wearily

"what the fuck did you do?- ouch! damnit Arthur! you're ears are not going to fall off if I curse!" the boy had pinched him when he swore. Matthew whimpered at the yelling and buried his face again. now he was receiving a glare from the tiny boy behind his legs. " fine! what the heck did you do?" he repeated quieter, through clenched teeth.

"I just tried to feed em…. they called me fat" the Americans bottom lip wobbled slightly and Gilbert shot him a look that caused him to continue "then they were being whiny and Francis must have inhaled or something and he started choking."

If gil wasn't holding the shivering boy he would have facepalmed so hard…. but he was. "look. I need to find Matthew clothing okay? I'm going up to the attic. try not to kill those two okay?"

"I don't wanna go wiv him! I wanna stay wiv you!" whined Arthur clinging closer

Gilbert sighed and knelt down. "you know… I bet Alfred could show you boys some of the really cool board games Matthew has in the hall closet." Arthur and Francis looked up at Alfred and soon Gilberts eyes joined them as if to say 'speak stupid'

"oh! oh yeah for sure, uh, lets go look!"

* * *

Gilbert didn't have to look far for what he needed, he had helped Matthew organize this space a bit in the summer, so he found the box quick enough. placing Matthew in an old chair with the towel wrapped tight, he pulled out a pair of pants and a shirt and cringed. they were going to be too big… but that meant… "forgive me birdie" he muttered as his hands closed around one of the tiny white dresses the boys use to wear.

Matthew held Gilbert's hand as they walked down the steps. With the maple syrup out of his tummy and warm dry clothing on he was a lot more chipper. a bright smile was across his face as he bounced down the steps. Gilbert had to press his hand to his face to retain to sound of adoration that threatened to break through. his cheeks were still bright red as he watched the adorable little boy break away and run towards Alfred.

"Alfie!" he cried as his pudgy little kid arms wound around his brothers neck.

Luckily for Gilbert Alfred's reaction was much the same his eyes widened and his lips quivered as he smiled "Mattie! oh god you're just so cute!"he returned the hug, squishing the child lovingly

Arthur glared at the exchange, apparently jealous, and Francis stared at Matthew blushing. "bonjour Matthieu! " he squeaked happily.

Matthews face lit up "papa!" and he squiggled away from his brother to run to give Francis a hug, which wound up knocking them both over in a cloud of giggles.

Arthur looked mad. he got up and walked over to pull Matthew off Francis and into a hug of his own. Matthew hugged him back happily and Arthur stuck his tongue out at Francis.

this made the tiny blonde frenchboy fume. Gilbert was quick enough that he scooped the confused Canadian nation out of the way before Francis launched himself at Arthur, the boys rolling about fighting once more

"oh for the love of Mcdonalds!" exclaimed Alfred scrambling to try and separate the two.

Gilbert shifted Matt to his hip and grabbed around Francis's middle, Alfred clinging to the struggling Arthur.

"they need to get out of the house, burn off energy! lets take them to the park!" Gil grunted as he held onto the two wavy haired blondes

"but matties wearing a dress!" Alfred almost let go of the brit, but managed to recapture him

"so we'll call him Maddie while we're there, Let's just go!"

* * *

The two men sat exhausted on the bench watching the three boys run amok. thank god it hadn't been Arthur who wound up in the dress. he would never have passed for a girl. he and Francis chased each other sword fighting with sticks, and he kept spewing all sorts of pirate themed threats and insults. Francis retorted with his own, in french so neither men had a clue what he was saying. Gilbert kept a close eye, making sure no blood was shed and no other children caught in the crossfire.

Little Matthew was sitting in the sandbox playing with a little boy. Alfred kept him eyes on the boy, even more then ever right now he was Matthew's big brother, and no boy was gonna hurt his little sister! er… brother.. fuck…

a mom came over from the other side of the toy box and sat next to him "is that your little girl?" she asked looking down towards Alfred.

"uh, what?" he was confused and caught off guard. then it clicked " oh I mean yeah.. well, she's my brothers.. kid" he couldn't exactly say no without risking someone thinking he was a pedo…

"oh, she's just precious! I thought for sure she was yours, she looks just like her uncle!" the women looked back at Matthew.

well they were twins… "she looks a lot like her Papa" he offered. "she's a daddies girl"

right then is when the screaming started. "alfwed!" cried tiny England flinging himself onto Alfred's lap "fwanny hit me in da head!". Alfred looked over to Gil as if to say 'what the hell do I do?' he rolled his eyes and went to get Francis who was now running around cheering in victory.

he awkwardly scooped Arthur into his lap and sat him there "hey there dude, don't cry!" he gave him a hug and kissed the top of his head were a small bump had formed. he held him there until the crying stopped. completely unaware of the ovaries exploding from the women around him.

he pulled back a bit and smiled at the still frowning brit. " why don't you go play with Maddie for a bit?" Arthur sniffled and wrapped his arms around Alfred quickly before nodding and wandering towards the sand box. Alfred's heart clenched. so cute!

"Francis, you know we don't hit, man.. we talked about this! " Gilbert was walking back with the sulking, stickless boy. the other mom had wandered back towards the group of mom at some point during Arthur's crying.

"stupid bwit stawted it" grumbled the boy

"yeah, well I'm finishing it! now sit and think about what you did." he plunked Francis down and stood in front of him.

Gil crossed his arms and cracked his neck. "gott I'm glad I only had west to deal with."

"yeah well, now those two are separated, maybe it'll calm down." suggested Alfred shrugging

"OWWWW!"

"don't you touch him you git!"

both heads twisted around in time to see Matthew hiding behind Arthur rubbing sand out of his eyes and crying, Arthur yelling at a boy with a shovel who was right in his face.

the men sighed, gilbert walked over with Francis in hand and scooped up Matthew, Alfred followed close behind and scooped up Arthur putting him on his shoulders "okay kids, park time is over! who wants ice cream! "

the promise of ice cream crushed any thoughts of tantrums and instead rose cries of Me! Me! and cheering from the three blonde children. the men ushered them back to street and towards the ice cream parlor.

* * *

an hour later they collapsed in the door. Matthew was crying and clinging to Gilbert… again… Arthur was being carried by Alfred, kicking and yelling at him … again… and Francis was whining about how everyone was too loud and stupid.. again.

four of them were coated in ice cream. Francis and Arthur had started fighting over weather English toffee crunch, or French vanilla was better, Matthew had even joining this one claiming he thought Maple walnut was the best. Matthew was the only one who had been spared, he was a quick thinker and hid under the table next to their own once the first spoonful was flung.

"Alfred…. it's your turn… you bath them… make sure they don't drown each other, and I'll find them clothing…."

"kay"

both men were too exhausted to argue over it. Gilbert, with Matthew firmly attached to his leg like a bur, trudged towards the attic to fetch two more of the little dresses.

Alfred got a better hold on Arthur and grabbed Francis's hand dragging them to the bathroom.

Gilbert threw the two dresses on Matthews bed for the boys when they were clean. then he groaned as he bent to pick up the child with large, silently begging violet eyes, again. the blondes tiny arms wrapped around his neck and hugged tightly, his face buried against the albinos neck he muttered "I wuv you gilly"

Gil sighed and snuggled the blonde closer "love you too birdie" the alibino walked to the arm chair and sat down, shifting Matthew to curl up on his lap, head against gils chest. his red eyes half closed in exhaustion. when was bedtime?

"can you wead me a stowy? pa-wease?" the tiny voice begged

it was impossible to resist. the large violet eyes pleading and adorable. dear lord how did Francis do it? oh yeah… he had given Mattie everything he asked for, that's how. "okay Mattie, go grab a book."

the child ran off giggling and came back with an impossibly large book of fairy tales. Gil smirked and took it gathering Matthew up and opening to 'little red riding hood'

"once upon a time…"

* * *

Alfred was leaning on the side of the bathtub scrubbing icecream off Arthur's face with a washcloth. "be caweful Alfie! that huwt! "

"sorry Artie… almost done. then it's your turn franny"

"good, I have icecweam in my bootiful silky haiw!" Francis whined, he held the two nightgowns he had been sent to grab. Alfred wasn't a complete moron, putting these two in a tub together would only result in a soggy bathroom.

"mmmhmm… well maybe if you hadn't been throwing icecream neither of you would be stuck with me bathing you… alrigh Artie, come on out now" Alfred stood and grabbed a fluffy red towel, using it he lifted the boy out and started drying him.

"alright Francis, get out of those, just put the nightshirts down."

He helped the now naked Francis into the tub, and turned to pull the nightgown on Arthur who was being uncharacteristically quiet, he sat on the closed toilet lid and waited.

"alright, lets get that gunk out of your hair."

He set to work washing Francis, the hair was the hardest, his own was so short he had no clue how much shampoo to use. he wound up using too much and it got in the little boys eyes.

"oh god, I'm sorry!" he worked to help him rinse it out as Francis sniffled. guilt hit him and he frowned. he would never again bug Arthur for his parenting skills… how did he do this?

then he lifed the second boy from the tub and dried him off, repeating the process of pulling on the nightgown. he turned when he felt a tug on his sleeve. Arthur was at his side rubbing his eye "I'm tired Alfie"

Francis walked to Arthur and put tiny arms around him, "me too…" Arthur didn't even shrug the tiny frenchman off. in fact he leant his head against Francis's. a pair of blue and a pair of green eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

Alfred sighed and scooped them both up with ease. cradling them, as he walked out into the bedroom.

Gil was already there placing a sleeping Matthew on the far side of the bed. their eyes met in understanding exhaustion.

Alfred deposited the two almost alseep boys in the bed. Matthew was already asleep, but the shuffling in the bed had him reaching out and shifting, francis sleepily crawled to him, letting the canadian curl against him. Arthur frowned slightly and crawled over himself to snuggle against francis's side. Alfred and Gilbert tucked all the boys in and before they even left the room the boys were out.

they stood in the door and smiled. "you thinkin what I'm thinkin'? " asked Al? hand already reaching for his pocket.

he looked at Gil who's phone was out. "way ahead of you dude" the quiet shutter sounds of photos being taken and the boys breathing was all that was heard for five minutes.

* * *

The men trudged down stairs towards the library. Alfred took to the laptop and Gilbert manned the books, pouring over anything that could help them figure out how to change the nations back. they both fell asleep, Alfred on his folded arms at the computer desk, Gilbert curled in a chair with a book on his chest.

* * *

Early the next morning the american woke to the sound of bickering. Alfred groaned and dragged himself up. "ouch… that wasn't a good way to sleep." he stretched, his back popping as he moved. "Gil, get up" he kicked him as he went, jostling the prussian.

"mmm fuckoff west…" he murmured curling in tighter

"not west, get up. the children are awake"

red eyes popped open in horror. oh god.

The men dragged themselves to fetch the boys, now in a rhythm of pulling the two older ones apart. Alfred swept Matthew up into his arms this time, leading Francis by the hand, Gilbert had arthur tossed over his shoulder.

"who wants breakfast?" asked alfred as they moved to the kitchen

"can we have pancakes!?" Asked Matthew excitedly.

Alfred chuckled and put his twin down on a chair ruffling his hair. "sure kiddo."

the other two boys took places on either side of Matthew. a nice little blonde buffer for the fighting, good.

Gilbert started on the pancake batter, having picked it up from many-a-morning with Matthew. Alfred took over coffee duty.

when the pancakes were done they served the three boys, standing at the counter with their coffees in hand, neither of their stomachs awake enough to eat just yet. Alfred was in mid yawn when there were three distinct pops

"What the bloody fucking hell?! what have you put me in you damned yank?!" screamed the fully grown Arthur.

Alfred smiled and ran to him tackling the now standing brit in a hug "ARTIE! your back!" he sobbed happily

"get off me!" he was shoving against Alfred.

Gilbert looked from them to the table. Matthews eyes were wide with shock, he looked over at the albino and cocked his head, then it dawned on him and he looked down "oh maple no!" he whisper and bolted from the table, fully sized nightgown fluttering behind him.

"aw come'on birdie! don't be like that!" he chased after the blonde, but he couldn't hide the smile as he did

Francis simply stood and walked to grab a cup of coffee. completely calm. Arthur, who had managed to knock Alfred to the ground and had a foot on his head stared at the frenchmen "why the hell are you so calm frog?!"

Francis shrugged "because I look beautiful in anything, naturally"

"Artie, please get off!" whined Alfred from under the bright red brits foot.

"don't break texas rosbif, it wouldn't be good for international relations." he said coolly taking a sip of the liquid gold.

* * *

Gilbert knocked on the main bathroom door. "It's not that bad birdie!"

"no! I'm not coming out! I'm in a dress, I puked on you, you bathed me for god sakes! oh god you saw me naked!" panic and mortification filled his voice as he groaned.

"aw come on birdie, I've seen you naked plenty…."

"not as a kid! oh god oh god!"

"look it's all over now, back to your sexy adult body right? if you can come out I can help you out of that outfit..."

"...so not the time to try and get into my pants Gil"

"was worth a shot…"

The door opened suddenly he was half hidden behind it "grab me clothing?" be begged, those violet eyes apparently held the ability to melt Gil at any age.

Gil leaned in and gave him a quick kiss and chuckled "okay birdie"

* * *

"feel better now Lukas?" Matthias asked lazily from his chair as he watched the spell wrap up in a large mirror on the living room floor.

"yes" Lukas replied simply as he stood, a tiny smirk on his lips as the scene in front of them faded and the mirror simply went back to reflecting the room. that would be the last time Arthur forget to return one of his spell books.


End file.
